They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
