when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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