____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
