its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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