Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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