but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
