Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
