I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
