hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
