I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
smell my finger.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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