i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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