Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
