I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize