Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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