Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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