a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
