haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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