I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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