I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
