Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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