When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
