I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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