OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
