Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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