I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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