You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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