Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize