At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
