I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
