Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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