just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
