Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
