i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
