i wish semen tasted like chocolate
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
