Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If that was your dad, he is hot
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's blow job season.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
