An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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