No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize