im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
