He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
