sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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