Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
