I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
