i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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