Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize