i just wanna soil my oats bro
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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