Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize