i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
