I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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