Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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