Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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