I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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