So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
