I only kidnapped one of them. chill
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
