There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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