Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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