i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
