i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
