Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I love having hate sex.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
