is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
