You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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