i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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