last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
