Do you still have your period?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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