I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I intend to get homeless drunk
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
