the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
