Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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