Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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