The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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