think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
