i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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