Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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