I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize