I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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